


Dear Fili and Kili

by ValkyrieSigyn



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Complete silliness, Gen, my mind what are you doing, though I like the idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:37:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieSigyn/pseuds/ValkyrieSigyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, the great Oakentoons gave me an idea with their last submission (take a look: http://peckishowl.deviantart.com/art/Oakentoon-Special-68-A-man-of-his-word-403962870 ) and well. My mind went crazy, and I'm afraid this will end up with another fic of mine... But the idea is this: that Thorin, instead of Gimli, travelled with the Fellowship in Lord of the Rings. So, when Aragorn, Legolas and Thorin finally finds the hobbits after the Battle of Helms Deep, Thorin sits on the wall, drinking and eating, and suddenly something dawns on him, and he writes this letter to his nephews Fili and Kili, back in Erebor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Fili and Kili

Dear Fili and Kili,

Everything is fine, I have killed 79 orcs, many of them uruk-hai – be glad you’ve never met them, they smell, if possible, worse than goblins and orcs. I’m travelling with Gandalf again, I’m sending the best regards with wishes of your beards growing even longer! In our company there’s also a ranger, Strider – I can’t tell you who he really is, but he’s a bit majestic… We had another man, Boromir of Minas Tirith, but unfortunately he died at the falls of Rauros when he defended two companions. May his beard never fade.  
Here’s also an elf, Legolas. Yes, the conceited wit of a kings son we met in Mirkwood, but he’s actually a bit nicer when he hasn’t got that much to say – he’s just walking around and stares to the horizon, saying obvious things, suddenly gets brown eyes, or walking on snow like some saint while the rest of us is fighting for our lives. I hate to admit it, but after the battle of Helms Deep, I’ve actually started to like him – we’re going to have a hell of a party in Edoras when we get there, so I have big plans of getting him drunk, so we can see what he’s really made of. I hope you can forgive me. Again.  
But Gandalf has done it again – this time here’s not only 1 hobbit, but 4. One of them is Bilbo’s nephew, Frodo, he’s just about as weird as him, but stumbling a lot – if he continues like this, he’ll break a leg someday. Frodo has brought with his gardener – why, I don’t know. But Gandalf said he’d be useful. Gandalf has been right about this before, so by old experience, I won’t comment it any further. The two others are Merry and Pippin, in which Pippin is Bilbo’s weird second cousin – his dialect is just as funny as Dwalin. We’ve just been out on the biggest rescue of all times for these two after they more or less got Boromir killed (again, Dwalin’s got a point about hobbits and their fighting skills). They’ve led us to Fangorn, Edoras, Helms Deep where we had a great victory (I killed 41 orcs there!) and now to Isengard. Fortunately, Merry and Pippin were in good hands, and you can send Dwalin my regards and tell him that they, together with a horde of ents, have defeated Sarumann and put an end to all uruk-hai production (the smell is better already).

But Isengard leads me to the reason I’m sending you this letter. During my travel, I’ve realized I’m not young anymore, and I’ve got more silver strands in my hair now than before the start of the journey (though, I exchanged 3 of my silver hairs for 3 of Galadriel’s golden). I suspect my worries for arthritis, which I told you about at my 250th birthday, are real, since I’ve lost all mobility in my little finger. I’m an old dwarf, I’ve got hardly 50 years left, if I survive this. The journey has developed into dimensions I didn’t imagine, as I now find myself as a part of the battle for Middle Earth. Most likely I’ll travel east to Gondor soon, in an attempt to stop Sauron’s armies. Right now, I’m sitting on a wall here in Isengard, and after a lot of stress I managed to catch a raven that understood what I said, and I’m now drinking well-deserved amounts of beer and mead, eating salty pork and smoking the best pipe-weed from Hobbiton. At the moment, life is good, but it won’t last. War is upon us, and age has set their marks and I’m a few scars richer.

These words said, here comes a wish from a king on his last journey: ask Dwalin to crown Fili. You shall now be King of Erebor, something I’ve always imagined as I haven’t got myself to find a proper wife (just ask your mum). Erebor needs a healthy, virile and young king in this war and it feels right to send the throne to you now (besides, I found some lovely caves under Helms Deep, I’ll fetch Kili if I survive, so he can have them). You’ll find the crown in the third drawer on my bedside table, and the silver polish in the copper box beside. All other important remedies for a king you’ll find in the broom closet (can’t hide such things in obvious places you know). In case of doubt during the coronation, bring with this letter in my place. I have one wish for the coronation, and that is the dancers performing Swan Lake during the feast, wearing elf costumes.  
I’ll keep you updated, because now things are really beginning to happen. Till we meet again; good luck with the coronation, groom your beards, and feed the cat!

Best regards,  
Uncle Thorin.

(alternative ending: hugs and kisses from your Uncle Thorin)

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me
> 
>  
> 
> I regret nothing, though


End file.
